Why Holidays Hurt After Pregnancy and Infant Loss
The holidays can stir up a kind of pain that’s hard to talk about — a quiet, aching grief that sits beneath the sparkle and celebration. When you’re grieving a baby you never got to bring home, the season often feels painfully out of sync with what’s happening in your heart.
You see lights, gatherings, traditions, and smiling families all around you.
And meanwhile, inside, there’s a heaviness that can feel impossible to put words to.
Nothing about this makes you broken or difficult.
It makes you human, grieving someone deeply loved.
When the Holidays Don’t Match Your Heart
After pregnancy or infant loss, the holidays often bring a sharp contrast between what the world expects and what your heart is living.
You may see families taking festive photos, sharing pregnancy announcements, dressing their babies in matching pajamas. Each moment can land like a reminder of what you’re missing. A reminder of the baby you hoped to hold this season. The traditions you imagined. The milestones you never got to reach.
Even if no one says it out loud, you might feel an unspoken pressure to “be okay,” to join in, to smile, to act as though your grief isn’t sitting right there beneath the surface. It’s not that you don’t want to participate, it’s that your heart is carrying something sacred and heavy. The holidays have a way of highlighting what should have been. Carrying grief and the holiday spirit is a balancing act.
The Pressure to Show Up When You’re Barely Holding On
For many grieving parents, the hardest part of the holidays is feeling the pressure to show up for others when your body and heart are asking for something much quieter.
There may be invitations, expectations, traditions, or gatherings where people don’t fully understand the depth of your loss. You might worry about disappointing others if you decline. Or you might push yourself to go, only to feel overwhelmed once you’re there.
You’re not doing anything wrong if the thought of being around large groups, holiday chatter, or excited children feels like too much. You deserve the room to grieve and if that involves sitting out of holiday gatherings and declining invitations, that’s ok.
Why Grief Feels Sharper After Losing a Baby
Grief after pregnancy or infant loss is unlike any other kind of grief. It holds layers: love, longing, shock, guilt, tenderness, hope, devastation. These layers are often felt all at once and can be replaced with the next feeling as soon as they come.
During the holidays, these layers can come alive in ways you didn’t expect.
The grief may feel sharper because:
• you envisioned this season with your baby
• holiday cards and family photos feel like reminders of what’s missing
• seeing other infants or pregnant women stirs up deep emotion
• traditions highlight the absence of the little one you hoped to share them with
• the world celebrates while you’re mourning something profoundly important
Nothing about your grief is exaggerated or “too much.”
You are grieving a real, loved, wanted baby and your body remembers that love in ways words can’t always hold.
Gentle Ways to Move Through the Season
You don’t have to move through this holiday season the way you always have. And you certainly don’t have to act or engage the way others expect you to.
Here are some gentle ways to support yourself:
Choose softness whenever possible
Your energy is precious. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to decline invitations. It’s okay to change traditions.
Let yourself honor your baby in small ways
Only if it feels right — a candle, an ornament, a quiet moment.
Stay connected to your body
Grief can make your mind swirl quickly. Simple grounding — a hand over your heart, slow breaths, noticing your feet on the floor — can steady you.
Use boundaries as an act of care
You’re allowed to say:
• “We’re keeping things small this year.”
• “We won’t be able to make it.”
• “Thank you for understanding.”
Let sadness come without judging it
Grief moves in waves; sometimes it low tide and at other times it feels like a hurricane. You don’t have to push it away. You’re allowed to feel the grief and give it the space it needs. However, you can also decide to put it in an imagined container until you’re ready to bring it back out. Bottom line—You get to decide what is right for you.
When Grief Feels Too Heavy to Carry Alone
Grief is not something you “get over.” It’s something you learn to live with, slowly, gently, and with support.
Sometimes the weight becomes too much to carry alone.
If you are experiencing the following, it may be time to reach out to a therapist:
• persistent numbness or sadness
• difficulty sleeping
• overwhelming emotion that comes in sudden waves
• deep loneliness, even around people
• replaying the moment you learned the pregnancy or loss was imminent
• guilt or self-blame that feels heavy in your chest
• a sense that time is moving forward while you’re standing still
These are not signs of weakness. They’re signs you deserve care, presence, and support that honors your grief.
How EMDR Intensives Support Healing After Pregnancy or Infant Loss
Grief after losing a baby is more than sadness — it’s emotional, physical, and often traumatic. EMDR can help you gently process the layers of grief that feel stuck.
An EMDR Intensive offers:
• uninterrupted time to tend to what your heart has been carrying
• a steady, grounding environment for your nervous system
• space to work through the pain, guilt, shock, or trauma
• room for emotional release without rushing
• the possibility of feeling less overwhelmed and more rooted
• a sense of safety when everything feels tender
This isn’t about “moving on.” It’s about helping your heart breathe again and creating room for connection, softness, and meaning as you move forward.
You Don’t Have to Walk Through This Season Alone
If the holidays feel heavier this year: more painful, more overwhelming, more out of sync, nothing about you is failing. You are grieving someone who mattered deeply.
You deserve care that meets you where you are.
You deserve a place to set down what you’ve been holding.
And you deserve support that gently honors both your grief and your healing.
If you’re curious how an EMDR Intensive might support you during this season or beyond, you’re welcome to reach out.
Learn more about EMDR Intensives for pregnancy or infant loss.
Schedule a consultation to explore what healing might look like for you.
Disclaimer
This blog is for general educational purposes only and is not medical or mental health advice. Reading this does not create a therapist-client relationship. I provide therapy only to clients located in Ohio at the time of service. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or dial your local emergency number right away.